‘Twas the night before (a social media) Christmas

A Visit from St. Nicholas (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when across social media
No-one was blogging, no mouse on Wikipedia;
All feedback was silenced, no comments appeared
As they waited offline for the man with the beard.
Children logged out of Myspace, signed out of Facebook,
Swapping Windows for windows-through-which-you-can-look.
And although their new status should have been “In sleep mode”
They remained on standby for a special download;
Santa’d texted them earlier with a rough e.t.a. -
SatNav leading him straight to their roof in his sleigh,
Drawn by eight virtual reindeer, all with GPS,
And a fondness for prancing that was hard to suppress.
“We’ve been buzzed by Saint Nicholas”, the children exclaimed -
(For whose brand recognition Coca Cola is blamed)
The visitor’s arrival would make the ears tingle -
Loud polyphonic ring tones instead of a jingle.
“Now, Orkut! Now, Bebo! Now, Badoo and Flickr!
On, Revver! On, Friendster! On, Flixster and Twitter!
To the top of the page! To the top of the wall!
Now Blog away! Blog away! Blog away all!”
Faster than broadband the avatars fly
Up, over the satellite dish to the sky
Cheery-faced Santa Claus pilots the sleigh,
Laden with presents auctioned on Ebay.
Then light as a snowflake on the rooftop they flutter
(Except for poor Bebo, whose hoof sticks in the gutter)
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound,
A new carbon footprint on the carpet was found
And out of the top of his sack poked a Wii,
A PSP2, camera-phone, MP3
His eyes – yes, they twinkled, but he looked a bit merry!
Neither Cola nor Fanta; Santa’d been on the sherry!
Not fat, just big-boned with a jolly demeanour
His hair Russell Brand-like, but whiter (and cleaner!)
He was temporally challenged, but not past his prime
Cos that would be “Ageist”, non-PC at this time.
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
With one foot in the grate and one foot on the shelf
“If you’re pleased with the service and I’ve not kept you waiting,
Five stars would be good, cos I need a high rating”
Struggling back up the chimney, as his trousers were tight,
Then I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

© Tim Davis Elicit Consultancy December 2007